So Close
by Redzy
Summary: What hurts the most is being so close…and having so much to say. And because I didn’t say, I lost the best thing that has ever happened to me today.


_**So**_** Close**

Summary- What hurts the most is being so close…and having so much to say. And because I didn't say, I lost the best thing that has ever happened to me today. Based on Song By Rascal Flatts- What Hurts The Most.

A/N : Lorelai's Point of View after "Partings". Her feelings and how she so desperately wants to make it right. This was very hard for me to write because I really think what Lorelai did was inexcusable, but I believe Luke and Lorelai can work through it. They both made mistake throughout the season and they both need to handle the consequences.

Read and Enjoy and don't forget to Review.

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
_

I lay here, in the arms of another man, just trying to process what I have done. I came looking for comfort. I got anything but that.

_There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me_

It's hard to think about now, about what I did. I feel dirty, like I need to scrub every inch of my skin. Every inch that was touch by _him_. I have never been great at relationships, but I had finally found the one person. The one person that I could depend on, no matter what. I can now see what I have done. ' I Slept with Christopher.'

What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been

The guy that always closed the door that I left open for him. Never helped me. And was never whom I could never depend on. The guy that cheated on his girl friend with me. The guy that made promises to me, promises he swore he would keep.

_And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do  
_

He never did kept those promises. Never. And each one cut into my heart. Deep.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
_

I try to get up , but _his _arm is still around me. I finally break free and stand up with the sheet and struggle to get to the bathroom while picking up my clothes at the same time. I slam the bathroom door and slide down the back of the door in tears. Tears for Luke the man who she had hurt. The man that was always by her side. Always picking her up when she or Rory fell in life. Did Chris ever pick her up? No, he took advantage of her when she needed a friend the most.

_Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken  
_

It hurts so bad. We were so close to finally getting married. But I had to issue an ultimatum, when I knew Luke hated them. He needed time. Time for his daughter. I should have talked to him. Should have expresses the way I was feeling. That simple action could have prevented this. This horrible mistake

_  
What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
_

I get up the strength in my legs to get up and get dressed. I walk out of the bathroom totally emotionless. I see Chris, smiling. Why is he smiling? Smiling is an action reserved for a happy occasion. And this is definitely not a happy occasion. Definitely not.

_And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been_

He approaches me and I jump when he touches my shoulder. His touch makes me want to vomit. He smiles again and I want to scream at him.

"Lore.."

"No Chris, I have to go." I move around him careful not to brush against him, I am still resisting the urge in my stomach to vomit.

"You can notjust walk away, I love you, You love m…"

"Don't finish that run-on, over used sentence. The 'We're meant to be together' crap, get it through your thick head, we aren't, we never have. I have never loved you." My tears are coming back. I try to wipe them away myself, but there are just too many.

Chris makes a move to wipe a tear from my cheek, but I move from his touch again. "Don't do this. Not again. Not when everything is coming together." Those words are disgusting.

"Nothing is coming together, everything has fallen apart." I move for the door again but he steps in front of me yet again. God, he just won't take a hint.

"GET OUT MAY WAY CHRISTOPHER! Don't you ever listen. God, do you not see what I have done. What we have done? I cheated on my fiancée, do you see this ring? YOU SEE THIS RING? God you are so daft. I love Luke. So much. I need to go see him. See if I can salvage anything. I don't know what I'll do… If I can't."

My tears are flowing freely now and he finally let's me pass.

"Lore, I hope he makes you happy. Good Luck."

I nod at him because I can't get any words out because of my sobs.

_And not seeing that loving you  
_

I am finally back in Stars Hollow. I drive to the diner in hopes that I can talk to him into trying anything. Because I will do anything.

_Is what I was trying to do  
_

I park in front of the diner and sit for a minute to collect my thoughts. 'I have to tell him the truth.' I know it is my only options. Be honest. Tell him how I feel. I wipe at my dried tears, I make sure my face is close to it's normal color and get out of my car and walk into the diner.

I look for the flannel shirt but don't spot it. I look for Caesar and spot him near the counter.

"Caesar.."

"Upstairs." I thank god that knew.

I run up the stairs and go into the apartment and see what I thought would never see.

The apartment was trashed. I see Luke on the floor holding his hand. I ache for him. I did this. He looks over in my direction.

_  
What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
_

Before he even speaks I know he is drunk. I can see it in his eyes,

"Lorelai" he whisper almost inaudibly. He sobers up the minute our eyes connect.

"Are you okay?"

"I sorry, I want to marry you. I love you. Please. I am sorry for Shutting you out. No one would have held their cool as long as you did. Please." I see it in his eyes that this is what he want. I hate that I have to do this. I t will break him."

"Luke I need you to hear me out before you say you still wan to marry me." Her it goes. My eyes fill with tears. "I slept with Christopher." The words come out guiltily and I can see they are cutting through him. "Luke, please forgive me, I hate him now. I went to him as a friend. I couldn't find Rory. I was upset. I thought you didn't want to marry me. Please forgive me. I love you more than anything. Please I will wait as long as you need with April. I said this before, I'll say it again, I'm all in. I am all in. You said that to me on our first date. And now I am swearing in too. Please. I want the lobster and all our friends and I will wait for you. You waited eight years. I will wait forever long."

_And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
_

There was deep thought in his eyes. Then I see light. Those words I hear them.

"I am still in."

My smile is as long and wide as the entire continent. Happy tears come out of my eyes and I hug and kiss him. I hang on to him for dear life, like he will disappear from my grasp.

"I probably won't make you wait eight years, only a few more months. We will have our wedding. And lobster."

I giggle and hug him again too giddy to let go.

"Thank you."

"Just one question."

"Anything."

"Will you love me forever?"

"Forever and ever babe. "

_And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do  
_

I love this man

_  
Not seeing that loving you  
That's what I was trying to do  
_

Finis.


End file.
